Nothing to Lose

Current mood: rejuvenated


Change...it sucks, but sometimes it can open your eyes to what you are missing in life. Pardon me while I wax profound here - but maybe it isn't me talking.

A lot of things have been changing over the last year - loss of a friend, death of a grandmother, birth of a nephew, and recently, shake ups at work.

It's been a trying time for me - trying to keep my positive outlook, no matter what life throws at me - but I find myself being more emotionally tied to things...I'm not sure this is a bad thing, though.

I guess all you can say is, if I come out still standing, I am a stronger person for all the pain, agony, tough times, etc. Isn't that all that really matters? How do you perform when the chips are down? Do you stay true to yourself while the world falls to crap around you? Are you a better person when you come out the other side?

I would have to say YES to all of the above. While I don't feel that I am as happy about a lot of things that I have been in the past (okay, most have been beyond my control), I think I am still okay - this makes me feel stronger as a human being.

If I have changed, I feel it is for the better. And my newest work challenges haven't made it easy on me, but I feel that I am up to the task. And ultimately, if I am not able to deal with the new environment, then I have a cushy 8-weeks paid vacation/sabbatical waiting for me on the other side.

I could chuck it all and move back to San Francisco - where my heart truly is - but I won't go down without a fight. Besides, I think these challenges may prove to make me more of an asset in any work environment.

Personally, I am not where I thought I would be. I figured I would be some high-falootin' sports photographer in demand and making a decent living (and maybe attending a few fancy celebrity shin-digs) by now, or maybe I would be some world-renowned chef - a must have for any A-List party. Maybe I'll get there someday, but today I feel like I do make a difference where I work and I am respected and sought-out for help. It's my own kind of high-falootin'/world-renowned status, but you wouldn't know it if you talked to me...it's a whole world in my head.

So what's wrong with being in the corporate world - this world I never thought I would be a part of? Nothing! I have made really great friends, some excellent contacts and I am genuinely motivated to get out of bed each morning and go to work. So who cares if someone new comes in and shakes my world up like a snow-globe...Bring it on!

Now, it's time to attack the rest of my life with this attitude! Time to stop pushing the men away and stop flaking on friends. Time to do what I want to do and when I want to do it and to hell with those who make me feel less than worthy! Bite me, you bastards!

Whew...now I feel better!

Currently listening:
Garden State
By Various Artists
Release date: By 10 August, 2004