Not Always in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

Movie Review: Live Free or Die Hard
½


Move over Peter Parker - you and Jack Sparrow have been outdone this time around! In the Season of the Sequel, Bruce Willis shows his repetitive cohorts how it is done - Yippie ki yay...

The 4th installment of the Die Hard series (originally started almost 20 years ago) does its level best to combine all the fights, explosions, the wit and the comedy of the first flick while adding a younger flair (sorry Bruno). Put it all together and you have the recipe for one kick ass action movie for the summer of 2007.

John McClane picks up almost where he left off as an NYPD cop who always seems to be the only guy who can stand up to a band of terrorists. This time around, we have the old school cop up against the new age of computers and hackers. As the bad guy says, "you’re a Timex watch in a digital age, John."

Our villain, Thomas Gabriel is played quite convincingly by Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood). Gabriel and his merry band of hacker-terrorists have figured out how to pull off a "Fire Sale" - basically a systematic shutdown of all the United States using our computer dependency against us. What's their motivation..what's their trauma? Who cares? Honestly the reasons why are a bit hokey, but the age-old battle of 1 vs. 100 in order to save the world is a recipe that is still working for Mr. Willis.

What would a Die Hard movie be without a non-cop character for McClane to protect? This time around, Justin Long (none other than Mac, himself) plays the computer-savvy sidekick who inadvertently gives the terrorists some program to help them implement their nefarious plans. He brought in humor, an air of innocence and someone you really wanted to root for in this movie. The casting could have used some work for the smaller roles, but putting Bruce together with Long was the work of a genius. I will say that giving Kevin Smith a small part as a Hacker who lives in his mother’s basement seems somehow fitting, Boba Fett standee and all.

The beauty of this movie is its ability to bring back the heyday of the big, blockbuster action films from the 80's. Where else can you get cars being flung at helicopters because the cop ran out of bullets and options? Not only does this movie respect its original, but they actually play homage to it in a couple of ways - there is even an Agent Johnson – but just one this time.

So for Die Hard #4 – you should be pleasantly surprised. With witty one-liners, explosions, the brutal demise of many bad guys and an evil mastermind all dispatched by John McClane…you’ll feel like you’ve come home once again.

Currently listening :
The Very Best of Elvis Costello
By Elvis Costello

Surf’s Up!

Movie Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
½


Much more interesting and entertaining that the first installment of the Fantastic Four franchise, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is quite the gem in a sea of sequels this summer. The brilliance of this flick is the intriguing choice to dig into the annals of the Marvel Universe and pluck from it one of the coolest characters and tell his story (in conjunction with The Four, of course). Vocally portrayed by Laurence Fishburne, the Silver Surfer glides onto the big screen with a graceful menace that grabs you early on. I will say, that it was very hard for me NOT to think of The Matrix whenever he spoke (luckily, his lines were sparse).

As for the plot devices and crappy pacing - most of this can be overlooked if you remind yourself that this movie was made to be enjoyed by kids and adults.

What are these plot devices, you ask? Reed Richards and Sue Storm (Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba), a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Woman, keep planning their wedding and it seems to have been postponed a few times. I'm not sure how important this really is when you have to save the world for a living, but I guess the writers are trying to give some character and back story to The Four. Oh, did I mention that Victor Von Doom (the always yummy Julian McMahon) is alive and well and causing havoc once again?

I think my favorite unnecessary plot device ties to Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) a.k.a. The Human Torch. After a run-in with the Silver Surfer, anyone he touches ends up switching powers with him. It allows for some funny moments and adds to the depth (I use this word loosely) to the character.

The main conflict in this movie is truly this: Is the Silver Surfer a villain or a hero? This ties very closely to his introduction into the comic book and is a decent homage to comic fans.

So why is this sequel better than the original movie? This movie is a much more ambitious than the first Fantastic Four, which gives it much more to sustain itself with for 2 hours. The characters are still weak, but the actors appear more at home in their roles the second time around. There is also far more action and less campiness in this movie. Dr. Doom is a much better character in this movie, but he still isn't quite the force to be reckoned with from the comic books. And finally, the special effects are much more robust and breath-taking (check out the Fantastic Four's new ride!)

Overall, I think the movie companies need to take a meeting. Don't skimp on the funding, but don't throw money at a picture just to try and over sell it. You can make a decent comic book movie as long as you stick to storylines that the fans know well enough to enjoy, but not so well that they get pissed off when you don it wrong. Give us action, fun, a little comedy and some backbone in our heroes and we will come to the box office every time!

Currently listening :
Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur
By Various Artists
Release date: 12:00 AM

Evan Help Us

Movie Review: Evan Almighty
½

In this loosely called sequel, The Office’s Steve Carell stars again as new broadcaster (now a newly elected Congressman) Evan Baxter. If you think back to 2003’s Bruce Almighty, Steve is the guy who stole the show from Jim Carrey in only a few scenes of comic genius.

Now, I will do my best not to get onto my soapbox at all, but here is another movie where they have completely marketed it incorrectly. From previews and commercials, including the stars doing just about every talk show in the last two weeks, you would think this is a laugh-riot comedy. Nope – everybody out of the pool!

Evan is the epitome of waste and an environmental drain – big house, Hummer, hates animals, etc. His focus on work, his appearance, and neglect of his family (his wife Joan is played by Gilmore Girls alum, Lauren Graham) cause him to be the one man who needs divine intervention more than any. Laughably, the man’s campaign slogan was ‘Save the World.’

Enter God (well-played once again by Morgan Freeman) who comes to Evan and says “Son, you must build an Ark.” The few moments of comedy in this flick soon follow as he initially resists this request and ends up having pairs of animals (and God) following him around DC. Once he gives in, the movie turns from trying to be a comedy to its true self, an inspirational biblical flick.

There are a few funny moments still left in the movie – Evan’s hair and beard won’t stop growing and God only allows him to wear Noah-inspired robes. Evan tries to “beat the system,” but even that gets tired after a minute or two.

Fun performances from Ed Helms (The Office, The Daily Show) and Wanda Sykes (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Monster-in-Law) do their best to keep the movie light, but honestly there was no chance this could happen based on the subject matter. At best, this is a movie the kids can watch in Sunday School so they don’t have to read Genesis.

The movie isn’t terrible, but it leaves a lot ($175 million) to be desired. The real live animals (instead of spending less money on CG) couldn’t save this flick from impending doom. My head hurts from the shovel of a message being smacked into my brain: Don’t waste, do Acts of Random Kindness and you can avert being washed away with the next flood. In the immortal words of Bill Cosby: Himself…Riiight!

Currently listening :
Ultra Payloaded
By Perry Farrell's Satellite Party
Release date: 12:00 AM

It Sure as Sh*t Ain't Sad

Movie Review: Ocean’s Thirteen

How refreshing – a sequel that actually stands up to the original. In the season of the sequel (see footnote below), Ocean’s does its due diligence and lives up to the hype. This is the heist movie everyone wanted to see in Ocean’s Twelve, but felt completely let down and dismayed. George Clooney and team are back for round 3 and this time it’s personal.

When Reuben (Elliott Gould) is double-crossed by his new business partner Willie Bank (exquisitely played by Al Pacino), he ends up suffering from a medical nightmare that sucks the life out of him. Enter Danny Ocean and his merry band of thieves* who come to the rescue with an elaborate plan that just might work. All of our old favorites are back, with the delightful addition of Eddie Izzard as the smarmy yet intriguing Roman Nagel.

How do you hit the infamous Willy Bank where it hurts? You turn his fancy new hotel into a complete disaster. This is a huge undertaking and it will take everything they have got up their collective sleeves to make it work – they even have to solicit some help from their old nemesis, Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia). This movie is about the ultimate heist – how can you lose your shirt in a casino when the house always wins? Leave it to Danny Ocean to execute the perfect revenge in the span of 3 ½ minutes.

This movie is smart, flashy, funny and completely entertaining. It has brought back the glamour and success from Ocean’s Eleven and done it up right. There are some nods to both previous films (most of which a newcomer may miss, but it won’t effect their enjoyment of the movie), including some familiar faces. George and Steven Soderbergh learned their lesson from Twelve and this time around made the movie they should have made before. Honestly, as a woman, I’m perfectly happy watching 2 hours of some of the hottest men in Hollywood – but this movie delivered in many ways that would even make the guys happy.

With some twists, turns (and shakes), a prosthetic nose and a really bad boob job, Thirteen leaves the audience ready for Ocean’s Fourteen! And boy, did they ever leave the door open for that.

The Season of the Sequel:
May: Shrek the Third, Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, 28 Weeks Later
June: Ocean’s Thirteen, Hostel: Part II, Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer, Evan Almighty, Live Free or Die Hard
July: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
August: The Bourne Ultimatum, Rush Hour 3, Halloween (the 9th one)
September: Resident Evil: Extinction
October: Saw IV
November: The Punisher 2
December: National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Alien vs. Predator: AVP2

*The rest of the team:
Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt)
Linus Caldwell (Matt Damon)
Livingston Dell (Eddie Jemison)
Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle)
Yen (Shaobo Qin)
Virgil Malloy (Casey Affleck)
Turk Malloy (Scott Caan)
Frank Catton (Bernie Mac)
Saul Bloom (Carl Reiner)

Currently listening :
Versions
By Thievery Corporation
Release date: By 16 May, 2006

Drop the Chalupa

Current mood: amused

Main Entry: cha•lu•pa
Pronunciation: ..chä-'lü-pä, ch&-'lü-p&..
Function: noun
Etymology: Mexican Spanish, from Spanish, boat, skiff, from French chaloupe
Date: 1895
: a fried corn tortilla sometimes shaped like a boat and usually filled with a savory mixture (as of meat, vegetables, or cheese)

So since when is this a catchphrase? I did a little research on the 'net and this is what I found:
1. drop the chalupa

Giving Birth

My ol' lady dropped the chalupa

2. drop the chalupa

to take a big-ass dump, especially after consuming food from Taco Bell

This made me laugh my ass off – seriously. All this ties to a kick ass time we had celebrating Delia's birthday this past weekend. Hanging out at the Gargoylee Mansion with beer, wine, burgers and dogs (and not to mention the red velvet cake provided by yours truly). It was a Hurricane-themed shindig and leave it to Delia to celebrate while there is a tropical depression (his name was Barry, but it would have been more appropriate if it had been named Delia). This is what you get when you are born on the first day of the Atlantic Hurricane season!

Anyway, we had great fun hanging out, swapping dirty jokes, and ultimately pulling out the game Catch Phrase. This was a first for me and while I did well on most of it – I ended up with "Drop the Chalupa" as my catchphrase. How the hell do you describe that one? We got a great laugh out of it – that's all that matters, really. A fun time was had by all.

Now I am back at work – slammed with a million things – and am doing my best to procrastinate. Obviously, this is not the best idea since I am trying to advance at work and should probably be giving a better impression of my work and work ethic. But after much thought, it occurred to me that I should be myself and not over-do it or over-think it. This is me – take me as I am!

Last night, The New Hotness won at trivia again. We were behind the entire game and came through with a come-from-behind-win! I mean seriously – were we the only ones who knew the name of the castle at Disneyland? That's insane! Oh well – it meant $40 for us, so I am not complaining!

So tonight I am headed to the Ocean's Thirteen screening. I cannot wait! Two hours of watching a whole bunch of hotties that I get to drool over – ahhhh, life is so hard!

Currently listening :
How To Save A Life
By The Fray
Release date: By 13 September, 2005

The Bitter Taste of Venom

Movie Review: Spider-Man 3
½


I want to establish first, that I am a fan of this franchise. I enjoyed the first 2 films and went in wanting another dose of the web-flinging hero. What I was missing, was some of my friendly neighborhood Spidey that I have grown to love. But is it really Spidey's fault? I think not - chalk it up to the constant barrage of negative energy from all angles (otherwise known as a weak script trying to hide behind big effects and a lot of cash).

First - Sandman. A giant of a villain who is a bit dusty after being molecularly altered (personally, I think the CGI guys were from The Mummy franchise). Next, this creepy alien goo lands from above and infects its host by intensifying the negative energy - it takes over photographer wanna-be, Eddie Brock, and he becomes Venom.

You just think that is all the villains in this tale...oh no. Next, we have Harry trying to be nuGreen Goblin (Peter killed his father, yada yada) with a lot of the fancy toys his dastardly father left behind. Really, is that all?

But wait...there's more! Next is Mary Jane - now while she is usually the damsel in distress, this time around she is annoyed by Peter and his emotional brick wall, so she gets to while a lot.

Last but not least - the demon within. The goo takes over Spidey and turns him into an anti-hero in a black Spidey suit. Like Tobey Maguire didn't already have enough to do.

Spider-Man 3 isn't bad, but there is too much going on to really be able to get into any one of the storylines going on here.

The focus on the hapless criminal who accidentally is turned into a giant sand creature is misplaced and fleeting. His only mission is to make enough money to help out his sickly daughter - who knows if you are supposed to root for him or against him. And Spidey's battle with Sandman doesn't give you any idea if black-suited Spidey is a bad guy or not.

The new photographer (Topher Grace) is not around long enough for you to enjoy his smarmy ways before he morphs into Venom; this story akin to a Public Service Announcement regarding the dangers of member of the paparazzi.

Harry Osborn is a tough nut to crack. He has little evidence that Spider-Man killed his father - he has one faint memory and from that we are to believe that he is willing to turn his back on his best friend, and kill him just to spite him. Oh, and by the end of the movie, he has experienced a completely 180? I am SO confused.

So a message to Sam Raimi - pick a storyline, pick a villain; pick a real conflict for Mary Jane and Peter. Once you have done this, write your script for Spider-Man 4 and stick with it. Please, don't go way over budget creating special effects, don't create too much story which keeps you from telling a full story that makes sense, and please, bring back the fire, the danger, the romance of the first two flicks. I beg of you - redeem the franchise before it is nothing more than a caricature of its former self!

Currently listening :
The Last Kiss
By Original Soundtrack
Release date: By 08 August, 2006

Just Do It Already!

Movie Review: Knocked Up




...That's what she said! First, let me warn you that this movie is longer than expected and does not fall into the Stupid-Humor category. So if you are a fan of Judd Apatow movies and TV shows, you should truly appreciate this movie in its entirety.

The premise of this flick (if you don't already know), is about a young loser-type Ben who is just as shocked as the audience when he is able to hook-up with the hottie Allison in a very 'productive' one-night stand. In writer-director Judd Apatow's follow-up to The 40 Year-Old Virgin, he writes what he knows and puts together the geeky stoner who refuses to grow up and get a job, with the highly successful and beautiful girl who is used to getting everything she ever wanted.

As usual, Apatow develops his characters incredibly well and gives us such a large and fun cast of supporting characters that the lengthy flick doesn't seem it at all. His ability to build his usual band of freaks (everyone has a connection to Apatow - either family or previous cast members), helps to create this world that you feel you are truly a part of.

The acting in this movie is so good, it is hard to remember they are acting. Let's start with the leads - Katherine Heigl plays our put together leading lady Allison, who shows such familiar emotions, especially when she is staring at Ben's naked butt in her bed and is trying to figure out how she ended up in this situation. Her roller-coaster of emotions, most of which are due to the pregnancy, allow her to help us feel her pain as she is trying to figure out what to do with this guy with the Peter Pan complex.

Next is Seth Rogen, plays the nervous but loveably and goofy Ben. He is so lost and cannot figure out how to get his shit together to be the dad he thinks he wants to be. As the movie goes on, you find yourself wanting to root for him.

One of the best sub-plots is the relationship between Allison's sister, Debbie (played by Leslie Mann) and brother-in-law, Pete (played by Paul Rudd). They steal the screen several times in the movie as their problems are a warning bell to the Allison-Ben budding coupling. Mann, Apatow's wife, is amazing and as the movie progresses, she goes from a complete bitch - who honestly is saying everything we are thinking - to someone who you truly end up loving. One of the best scenes in the movie takes place outside a night club when older Debbie and pregnant Allison are refused entry and she goes postal on the Doorman, played by The Office's Craig Robinson. Talk about brutal honesty being roll-on-the-floor hysterical! And its hard not to love Rudd's portrayal of a guy who just doesn't get the family life he is up to his eyeballs in. I love him in anything he does - why has no one given him his own movie, yet! Honorable mention goes to the real-life daughters of Apatow who play Debbie and Pete's kids. They stole the show once or twice, themselves.

The merry band of freaks that play Ben's friends and housemates is a list of Apatow graduates that keep us entertained throughout the entire movie. Jay Baruchel, from Undeclared, plays Jay, a silly stoner with the worst hair in history. Martin Starr, from Freaks & Geeks, plays Martin, another stoner who agrees not to cut his hair or beard for a year in order to cover his rent. Little did he realize part of the deal was he would have to endure all the jokes about his every-worsening appearance from his buddies? Jonah Hill, plays Jonah, was the boot-guy from Virgin. And finally, Jason Segel plays Jason (aren't these names original?), from Undeclared, Freaks & Geeks and non-Apatow show, How I Met Your Mother. I think he was my favorite!

The laughs are spread out throughout the movie, so even with the serious relationship issues portrayed; you cannot help but laugh along with the reality airing on the big screen. This movie is so much more realistic than Virgin, but only because how many 40-year olds do you know who still have their 'virtue' left in tact?

With the pop culture references ("Matthew Fox — you know what's interesting about him? Absolutely nothing!'') and the off-the-cuff remarks ("Gynecology is a hobby of mine."), you won't want to miss a minute of this sharp and hilarious commentary of such a believable storyline. This movie is truly a breath of fresh air and reminds me why I have so enjoyed just about everything Apatow has put out there.

Currently listening :
Wincing the Night Away
By The Shins
Release date: By 23 January, 2007